As Philip Larkin bluntly puts it in This Be the Verse "They fuck you up, your mum and dad, They do not mean to but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, And add some extra just for you."
If this is the case, then according to recent reports in the media, coming from a broken home renders you as well and truly fucked. It has been suggested that children whose parents are divorced are more likely to suffer from a variety of problems ranging from mental health issues, failure at school and unemployment.
My own family is so fragmented, the social studies bigwigs would be having wet dreams over using it for a case study into broken homes. Ma and pa can't bear to be in the same room together, whilst my dad's new partner refuses to speak to myself or any of my siblings. I have an older half sister by eleven years whom I share the same dad with, who consequently won't speak to either my mum or our dad. Graduations, weddings, birthdays, Christmases all become farcical affairs. It all reads like the script for the next episode of Hollyoaks and past reports into broken families would make me a prime case for being depressed, socially inept and well and truly Larkineque fucked.
Yet, I think my messy and complex family life has not held me back in anyway as reports into children from divorced families suggest, but has actually helped me in social situations. Acting as the go-between means I've learnt social skills and how to deal with people in social situations, that I think children coming from more comfortable backgrounds would never have experienced. I find it easy to form relationships with people, and I find I can get on with all types of people from all different social backgrounds.
The studies neglect to see those children from broken homes acting as the mediator in an arguement, or having the confidence to be able to speak out and stand up for themselves. My background has given me determination to work hard, in the knowledge that I have a variety of different social backgrounds to fall back onto.
Conflict and chaos are not such "Terribles homes to grow up in" - as put by Patricia Morgan, spokesperson for The Department of Health - if you can look back and see how these situations have prepared you for real life. When put into the same situations those coming from cosy, cushioned family homes are brought with a sudden bump to the real world, and surely that is more likely to lead to depression?
Come forward my fellow latchkey kids and proves these academic eggheads compiling the reports on social deprivation wrong. I bet if they took a second look at children from broken homes thet would notice it is us keeping it all together.
Thursday, 10 December 2009
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Is there such a thing as a functional family?
ReplyDeleteI dunno, growing up as a kid i thought everyone in my family were ok and got along with each other, but even a holiday as sacred (apparently) as Christmas was marred by old grudges coming up, in fights, snide comments and backhanded compliments.
Then again, I was the youngest on that side of the family (my mum's) so I was the usually ignored one at reunions. My dad's side is pretty messed up (an uncled had an out of wedlock kid and people found out after he passed away) and all in all, the more time passes, the more they become the cautionary tale to avoid the "time to start a family" bullet.
Heck, two of my three older brothers got married and one's divorced, the other's on "it's complicated" status.
It's weird, during november (mostly during nanowrimo) i sort of re-evaluated the value of family. And how some seemingly "happy" families are a charade and dysfunctional families are more of the norm (think the Tenenbaums, but less macabre).
But I digress (haven't i been since i started typing?)... I honestly believe that coming from a "happy, secure" family does not guarantee a successful knack to have proper relationships. I mean, my parents get along quite swimmingly after 43 years together (...) but all 4 kids seem to have a knack to just mess things up royally.
Conversely, I've got friend who had rocky childhoods and they are quite adjusted right now. Of course, they blame the music i listen to and the books i read but that's a whole other story...
Whoa, it's your first post!
ReplyDeleteYay!
Haha yes - I had another blog and lost it somewhere, opps.
ReplyDelete